dear…

dear fallon:
recently i have taken to describing you as emotional. you had gone from being a carefree toddler to a deep and sensitive little girl. but i’m changing the way i describe it. because while those deep and sensitive emotions have shown themselves, you are constant in your happiness and positivity. like when daddy & i checked on you one night around 10 pm and woke you up, your very first response was a giant smile. that’s just you. i think there is a difference in being highly emotional (a swinger, let’s say) and having a tender heart. you, my dear, have a tender little heart. you care what other people are feeling and thinking- about life and about you. a giant strength but honestly, that’s something that i think i will also have to be on the look-out for with you.

you have an ability to chameleon into the type of play that your playmate would want to do: baby’s & mama’s with your sister, wrestling with robbie, “jail!” or drumming with your boy cousins, legos with eli, making cupcakes with ellie, etc. i think it’s a natural intuition and intelligence you have. i want to encourage you to use it for good. meet people where they are at, but stick to what you know is right & wrong. you are smart and you know how to love and i am praying that you can find ways to use those strengths to glorify God in your relationships and the work of your hands. keep those strengths pure and know that they are gifts from God. i pray that you give your life to Him and find purpose in all that you do. your life will become His and all the good and bad that happens, well that’s just the story He is writing with your life. share it with others. use your intelligence and your love to connect with people, encouraging them to share their story with you. learn from others and grow together.

thank you for what your 3 1/2 year old heart is teaching my 29 year old heart. keep on keepin on, girl.

dear savvy:
yesterday you sat on the bed next to me and cuddled in your little savvy-nook in my arm. we were having a quiet moment and i even wondered if you had fallen asleep. then your big eyes looked up at me and you said “knock-knock, who’s there” followed by incessant laughter. you are savvy. you are the one who keeps us laughing and you are also the one who uses a healthy portion of the patience in my patience tank. you mix strong, independent spirit with a longing to be held, on a lap, and when i call you “baby.”

we’ve had a lot of mommy-savvy time recently: you and i stayed home from church while you were sick. you and i went to the pediatrician for said sickness. you and i have rocked your way thru nap time due to said sickness. you have felt like another appendage and as i sit here without you, i miss it. your petite little shoulders and ridiculously smooth skin. your big eyes and pink lips. you’re choosy in whom you allow into your little world and i’m so thankful to be in it. when you love, you love big and hard. i think you will have your dad’s discernment. use it well. guard your big heart and allow your loyalty to impact others in a deep way. but be open, too. people want to know you, savvy and it’s important to be stretched and vulnerable. that’s when God truly uses us. every night we pray with you, for a soft heart to know Christ. cause i know that once you know Him, you will be His loyal follower forever.

savvy: to know, to understand.

dear jr:
my boy. my happy little soul. you are 6 months old and i don’t think you’ve stopped smiling yet… like ever. last night, after daddy fed you for the evening, we laid in bed and listened to your happy sounds for a solid 30 minutes. you are so full of joy. my friend suzi comments every single time she sees you about the joy that comes out of your blue eyes. i truly can’t get enough. you’re cool & calm and ok with whomever is holding you or wherever you are placed. i usually catch you looking at me from across the room and i feel like the luckiest lady alive. i heard a father describe his daughter this way and i get it: if i lined up all the little boys in all the world and could pick one to be mine, it would be you every time. at every hour of every day.
i decided we would work on sitting up the other day. i propped you up in between my legs on the floor and put a toy in front of you. i was ready to catch you flailing backwards or collapsing forwards. but, you sat. all by yourself. and didn’t tip over once. apparently you got that. i think often about teaching you kids about being flexible, resilient. it’s something i aim for in myself and it’s something i think is important in life. it’s something that is innate in your tiny little spirit. i saw it in the way you entered the world (i won’t go into labor details for you…) and i see it in your unceasing smile. 
one of the hardest parts about you? keeping up with your hair. washing it, getting little bedhead knots out of the back, trying to decide if and how to cut it. 

i’ve been reading a lot things talking about how hard motherhood is. and i fully agree. but it’s kind of had me down. and i’ve been thinking that the movement of being real about the challenges and trials that can come with the role is causing us (or maybe just me?) to feel like i need to always be sharing that. or when i’m focusing on the good stuff i must not be real. but i’m a focus on the good stuff kind of gal. and while i like the stretch of being vulnerable about it being hard and encouraging one another with “you’re not alone!”s when mom behavior feels so tiring, hard & isolating; i think focusing on the good stuff causes us to see more good stuff. and the stuff that seemed so hard falls by the wayside…

1 Comment

  1. by Julie Berry on April 22, 2013  6:43 pm Reply

    wonderful post. You are so gifted Kac

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