Judging and True Love – David Gray & Kelly Stamps


Carly here!

We live in a time in history when it is considered evil to judge someone else. The theme of the day is tolerance, and there seems to be very little limit on what behavior is considered intolerable. But does the Bible truly say “do not judge?” Catholic blogger David Gray wrote at length about judging others in a very thought-provoking piece on his self-named blog, “I’m finding that more and more people are using phrases like ‘Don’t Judge Me’, ‘Judge not’, ‘Stop Judging and Love’, ‘Who am I to judge?’ or other similar ones these days,” wrote Gray. “There is this mistaken idea today that judging is bad. This crowd would even dare say that it’s a teaching of Jesus that we shouldn’t judge each other.

“The truth of the matter is that inasmuch as people say they don’t want to be judged or hear others being judged – what they are actually saying is that they don’t want to be held accountable for their actions. ‘Just accept my actions without holding me accountable for them’ is what they really want to say. Moreover, they don’t want to hear others judging others because they know eventually it will turn on them and, again, they don’t want to be held accountable.

“Despite common misconceptions – true love actually does cares enough to care. True love does judge. True love is not apathetic. Love is not indifferent to sin. True love is not timid. True love does not allow sin to triumph over its object of love without a fight. True love doesn’t walk pass a person dying without trying to aid them. True love desires you to be in Heaven – not in Hell – and will sacrifice anything to get you there. Therefore, if you have people in your life who are not judging you, but are just letting you commit all types of immorality without telling you are wrong, and not encouraging you to do better, then what you have in your life are people who do not truly love you, or who do not know how to love you as they ought.” (Gray goes on to reference Scripture – read here.)

I read David Gray’s perspective last year, when I was doing my own soul-searching about the place for “judging” in the Christian life. I thought of his words again today when reading a blog post on judging others by Kelly Stamps. Kelly Stamps, mommy blogger from Arkansas, wrote a post that starts by chastising her readers (and herself!) for the temptation to judge others on topics that have nothing to do with morality. She ends by touching on a very sober topic worthy of stern judgment (racism and violence). I think she brings up the valid point that there are countless ways that we judge others regarding that do not warrant that type of criticism. She ends by referencing the murders in Charleston, South Carolina last week, and points out an area where judgment does have a place. Judgment should always come from a place of true love, because judging behavior by the standard of God’s Word is truth-telling. And I can’t think of anything more muddled in today’s culture of tolerance than Truth. From Kelly


Love will keep us together

So I quit breastfeeding.

Which is a personal and private decision and no one’s business really.  But I’m sharing this because when I told a couple of friends they all at different times said “Oh I hope you don’t post that……..because you will get beat up for it”.  And I realized that I was a little worried to say it out loud for fear that people would tell me I was a bad mom.

And that’s CRAZY.

I’m a HUGE breastfeeding advocate.  I’m one who really thinks breast is best.  I nursed both girls for almost a year.  But I just had a lot of various issues with Will Holden and it was NOT going well.  And finally after about 5 weeks, late one night I gave up and drove to the store and bought some formula and he was like a new baby after that.  He was much happier and honestly, I was much happier.  And the girls LOVE giving him bottles and Scott gets up with him at night on the weekends.  It’s just worked for us.  And nursing just did not.

And I hate that I worry about what people might think.

And I hate that we as moms tend to judge other moms.  I’ve done it.  You have done it.  Not Biblical issues or moral or ethical issues.  We judge each other on decisions that our different than our own.  Sometimes it’s just because we don’t understand the other side.

I’ve been on both sides of the coin on a few issues and it’s really opened my eyes.  Two years ago I would tell you that being a stay at home mom was the hardest thing you could do.  And then last year I worked most of the year.  And now I will tell you that being a working mom (and I was only part time) is really tough.  I still think it’s hard to stay home with little kids sometimes but I’m so grateful to do it.  Actually, they are both hard but in different ways and we shouldn’t look at the other and determine it’s wrong.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened in Charleston this past week.  It’s so hard for me to understand how racism exists and how someone would kill people because of the color of their skin.  I know it exists.  And I know people will say that it doesn’t but I think unless you have had people dislike you or reject you just because of what you look like you can’t understand how hurtful racism is.  I can’t pretend to understand.

And I’m not comparing motherhood and judging each other to this but I can’t help but recognize a similarity.  The part where we don’t know what we don’t understand.

And as much as I hate what happened and as much as I grieve for the families of those who died, I can’t help but be inspired by those faithful people who were in that church that night.  They were there on a Wednesday night.  (And let’s face it, even some of the most faithful Southern Baptists don’t go to church on Wednesday nights anymore).  And someone came in who did not look like he belonged but they welcomed him in (and if we are honest – what does this say about most of us? Would we do the same?)  They spent their last hour praying to the God they would soon meet face to face.  And when that man took their lives, their friends and family have offered him forgiveness.

The people of Charleston are demonstrating how we as Christians should all live our lives.  Christ died for ALL of us.  If He could love me enough to die for me, I guess I can love others since He ASKED me to.  No matter the color of their skin or how many children they have or if they homeschool or do public school.

I hate when people throw out the “The Bible says not to judge” card.  I don’t think we should judge others.  At least not on things that don’t matter eternally.  But I do think when it comes to things that are ethically or morally or Biblically wrong, we should stand for truth.  But in love.


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