the state of inspo and my heart- Kacey Lake
a little over 5 months ago, the gorgeous carly stepped in as the editor of inspo as i turned off the sections of my heart & brain that have been committed to this space over the last year. i did this in order to focus every extra ounce of myself to something else. something else being the arrival of our new baby girl. the 4th child in our budding family and the squishiest little thing you ever did see. josie joy.
so much goodness has has happened over these last 4 months and the daunting task of trying to bundle it into words? is quite difficult.
alas, i sit here at local hero coffee shop and begin peeling away the layers of growth & revelation & vision that have occurred during this sweet time and put words to these excitable thoughts. ironically, one of the things i am bringing to the table right now, is to stop writing (& speaking, for that matter) with a conclusion. i read a string of books recently that captivated me at the start with their rawness and vulnerability and then lost me at the end with the pretty little bow that tried to pull it all together, make sense of it all. and quite frankly undid the rawness and vulnerability that was so authentic in the beginning. and that’s what we do, right?
we love before & after stories- i thought i knew, but i didn’t know, but now i know… and so the challenge came. on a run around devil’s lake in michigan while we were visiting the states over the summer. oh how i live in a place of wanting to be able to put things into words- in conversations with others, in my own dialogue, in the expressive writing that i do. however, i often start with the conclusion of what i want to say. throw in a bunch of early disclaimers or think thru to the end where i will be able to redeem myself for any overly emotional or doubtful thoughts or struggles i express along the way. perhaps as a defense mechanism to ward off those who would maybe want to step in and help and potentially hurt me by thinking they understand me or by pitying me? i don’t know. but what i do know is that my voice in this space aims to be honest and inconclusive. because the only thing i have ever concluded is that i have the tendency to think i know when i don’t really know. and i don’t ever want to inhibit growth because i have those knowing blinders on.
and the state of inspo? man, i’ve been so invigorated by being away from this space for awhile. as sleep deprived as one is with a 4 month old, i have had many nights lying awake entertaining ideas and visions for this space. a space that continues to grow in its depth and reach, a space that shines light on goodness that is buried beneath the rubble of a hurting world, a place that regularly chooses hope when it can be so easy to lose, a space that encourages, lifts up and includes voice for every type of person. this space has been living & breathing for about a year now. next year?
- i have vision for joint collaborations, a blank canvas open for anyone who might want to share their idea, voice, creativity. (is that you?! email me, please…) how about a joint workspace for all of the freelancers, entrepreneurs and dreamers out there?
- i have vision for an app that pushes thru relevant stories- keeping women up to date on global events with a lens that aims to filter out political agendas, racial stereotypes, and doomsday tendencies. upholding the commitment to awareness coupled with hope & desire to be a part of the change.
- i have a vision for using my own voice, writing from the scary places in my heart & mind and sharing my own opinions whenever i can. because what else do each of us have to share but our own set of beliefs and experiences that work together to make us individuals. and a society. and? if i want each of my 4 precious children to know that their voice matters and that their makeup is perfect and unique, what better way to show them than to show them.
there are seasons of hunkering down in the fort and there are seasons of going out on the front lines. this last hunkering season was chock-full of important stuff- observing how other moms run the home, then setting up systems in our home for school runs/bag packing/meal planning/travel scheduling, stockpiling creativity into my treasure chest, and just growing in intimacy with the quiet Spirit of God. i have really loved it. but there is this stirring that is telling me to get on the front lines for a little while. put myself out there on a physical, mental and spiritual level. go (even more) out of my depths so that my Father can meet and far exceed me there.
i was having dinner with 2 of my kindreds a couple of months ago. friends that you feel like really know you. and i was just thinking out loud as you sometimes do with those kind of people. and my sweet sister pointed out to me how much i come alive when i am physically challenged. huh, i thought. and i recounted the times that my soul feels ripest and my senses are most alert and i realized just how right she was. so i’m embracing the little window into my self that this sister showed me. i’m so freakin tired at the end of the night. as mama of 4, i’ve never done anything so physically demanding in all my life… and i suppose i am deciding to just lean into this season of physical demands.
and i’m bringing that inconclusive + tired + physical energy lovechild to this space right here.
……….but know what? i’ve been sitting on this post for a week now. wondering if *this* is what i want to say. *this* is how i want to re-enter this space. do i want to enter this space? because i wrote it feeling good and that night? man, things fell apart. i was brought to tears at just how tired and insignificant and inadequate i felt. i laughed at the confident words i had penned earlier in the day. whaaaaa? so there it is.
thanks for reading and for sharing and for being you. i can’t wait to get into this next year with you, sisters.
banksy on bruton lane?!